When I first decided upon starting this website up, I had many ideas. The main reasoning for it was to help inform other people who may be, or know someone who, is going to be going through the same thing. I wanted to share my story every step of the way in hopes of allowing others to get a glimpse into the world of eye removal surgery, but never did I think of what to do after it was all done.

I know I said that I would post pictures and a video, and they are coming — promise! But after that, what do I do? There’s not a lot to talk about once you have the prosthetic eye. Sure, I have an appointment coming up in August for adjustments that I can talk about but after that I am sure I would be at a loss.

I really don’t want to turn this into a personal blog, I’d rather keep about eyes and eye diseases / disorders. Besides, I already have another blog about my life. I was thinking about maybe have guest bloggers blog about their stories on here that way the surgery is seen from more than one point of view. I had an amazing experience but maybe they aren’t all as good as mine?

I think for now I will just leave things as is. If anyone does come across this and want to share their story let me know, I’d be more than happy to have you. For now, maybe I’ll work on some pages with more informative things from a medical standpoint, not just my opinion.

What do you think?

Sorry it has taken me so long to post, I expected to have my blog updated the day of recieving my eye but unfortunately that did not happen. I do have some photos for you all, but until I find the usb cord for my camera they will have to wait. For now, I will explain the process and how my appointments went.

Monday June 28th – My first appointment was at 9am, I filled out abot 7pages of medical information then sat in the waiting room until I was called. I was the only one there. I’m, not sure if they only do one patient at a time but in my case this was how it seemed.

After waiting about 10 minutes I was called in. The ocularist introduced herself and sat me down in what appeared to be a dental chair. She explained that they would be injecting a mould into my eye socket, one like dentists use to take impressions of teeth. This would be the start of my eye. She then asked me if I had any questions and we began.

When she put the mould in it stung a little, nothing major. I had to keep my eye open and remain still for about a minute or so and then she was able to take it out. She then explained that she would be in and out of the room quite a bit and to sit tight until she was back. From what I understand, she was going downstairs to a lab.

As I was waiting I played games on my ipod. I was glad I remembered it as there were no books or magazines to read and I was there for a wile. Over an hour period or so she kept coming in and out of the room. She would put the eye in and out and in and out then make changes to it size and shape. Next came time to mark in the pupil.

If you look closely to my eye, it looks like I have two pupils. I really don’t… it’s considered a ‘freckle’ or at least that’s what the ocularist called it. I asked her to make sure that was painted in as well. I wanted both eyes to look the exact same. She painted on the pupil and then shaped the eye some more over a tiny open flame. From here I was asked to go home and come back in about 3 hours.

When I went back three hours later it was time to paint the rest of the eye. This consisted of me sitting across a little table from her with a light shining in my face. I could see her and all of the little jars of powered paint. She was mixing the paint and painting the eye very gently. I couldn’t really see much of what she was doing, we just chatted back in fourth for about an hour. Every once in a while she would hold the eye up next to my remaining eye to compare. My next appointment was on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, June 29th I went into the office and the eye was complete. I thought there would have had to be more to do but there wasn’t. I was called in almost immediately, it was placed in and I could see myself in a mirror. I was amazed. For once, I felt like everything matched up. it was such a difference from the eye that had been removed. I felt normal again.

She asked me if I had any worries, or complaints. The only thing I said was it looked a little too glossy (which she said will dim down after a while) and that the eye looked smaller than my remaining eye. She said she would rather it be too small to begin with than too big, because it’s easier to build it up if need be.

I have to go back in August for a follow up appointment so she said that if I find it’s still too small then she will do a build up. After wearing it for almost 4 days now I think it’s fine. The gloss is dying down a bit and the eye looks and feels perfect. I even have good movement.

I will upload a video of the movement and some pictures by the end of the weekend. I will also talk more about the care of the prosthesis, so check back for that if you are interested.

I am leaving tomorrow to go and get my prosthetic eye made. My appointments aren’t until Monday and Tuesday, however, it’s a 5 hour drive and we are taking our two year odl daughter so we figured it’s best to leave the day before.

I am going to try to document as much as I can. I’m not sure if they’ll allow me to take pictures or record video but I’m hoping to atleast get pics of the different stages of the eye being made. If not, that’s okay too. I am just glad that the time is finally here.

I keep having dreams that I’m not going to look right. I don’t know why. I’ve seen so many examples, I know how talented an ocularist is but I still worry it may look bigger, smaller, darker, lighter, etc. I guess I’ll have to wait and see though.

On another note.. Last night I ended up in emergency. Apparently I have either asthma or bronchitis. I have had a horrible cough for a bit 3 weeks with breathing slowly getting harder to do. As of yesterday if I walked the length of myself I couldn’t breathe and if I so much as talked I’d start coughing until I vomited.

The doctor put me on a puffer which opens the airways and relaxes the muscles. I feel about 80% better. That, with some halls cough lozenges and I feel fine. I hope I feel good for Monday and Tuesday’s appointments.

Anyway, I’ll have my laptop with me so I’ll keep you all updated. Wish me luck!

I cannot believe that I had my eye removed over 3 months ago. I can remember the days where I’d sit and think that June 28th would never come, and now it’s only 6 days away.

I’m sure the next 6 days will drag by, but I have a lot of packing and planning to do for the trip. The ocularist I am seeing to have my eye made is about 5 hours away. We are going to be travelling there on Sunday, along with my 21 month old daughter, because my appointment is early on Monday (8am).

I will have another appointment or two on Tuesday, and hopefully it will be finished then. Apparently, when I go home with the eye, I will be asked to go back in a few weeks to make sure the fitting is still good.

With taking our daughter, comes a lot of planning out. We have to plan meals, rest stops, and fun things to do in between. I have to find a hotel, or relatives house to stay at (whatever we choose) and make sure the distance between there and the ocularists is not that far.

Needless to say I am very anxious. I cannot wait to ditch these eye patches.

This time in two weeks I’ll be sitting at the ocularist’s office starting the process of making my prosthetic eye, it feels so surreal. I had my right eye removed out on April 16th. In ways that feels like ages ago but in other it really doesn’t seem that long at all. Either way, I am more than ready!

I will have to leave for the ocularist on Sunday, June 27th as it is about 5-6hrs away from me. I am going to be staying there a few days. From what I understand I will have 3 appointments over 2 days and then I will be going home with the eye.  The secretary told me the appointments are quite lengthly which is understandable considering they are re-creating my eye by hand.

Other than me looking forward to my appointment there is much going on. I’ve been trying to keep as busy as possible over the last week or so and am hoping to continue doing that over the next two. I find when you are busy time seems to fly. Kind of funny how when you want something to come, you literally can’t wait but when you want sometime to stay or last longer it never seems to.

I have decided to add some new photos today, please be reminded that these photos show me without an eye or an eye patch. They aren’t as bad as i’m sure you are picturing right now! Take a look if you like.

** Be sure to check out my previous post containing images to compare. Click here for those.

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In my own opinion, i feel like I’ve adapted to having an eye enucleation  quite well. I think I went through the normal ups and downs, the insecurities, the worrysome nights and so on but now I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

It has come to a point where now, I don’t even wear an eye patch 90% of the time. People automatically assume that with an eye being removed there is going to be some huge gaping home in your socket — but that’s not true. I’ve heard all of the jokes, “Will I see your brain?” “Can you use the prosthetic eye to play marbles”, “Why not use a bouncy ball for an eye” .. and more. It used to bother be … but one day I just woke up and accepted it all with a grain of salt.

I now find myself blatantly pointing out that I had an eye removed, or need assistance doing something. I’ve noticed a lot of people are more ‘concerned’ than ‘grossed out’ and with me getting it off of my chest right away makes for a less stressful time. No more hiding behind eye patches and dark glasses (unless it’s necessary, of course). I had my eye removed and until I get the prosthetic one I am going to embrace every moment.

With that said, I am going to try to post some new blogs with pictures, and more information on the enucleation surgery itself. I am really hoping to help other people out during such a time as mine.

I thank each and everyone of you fro commenting & reading.

Exactly one month from today my journey of recovery should be finished. I am due to have my prosthetic eye 100% complete by then and needless to say – I cant wait!

I have to tell you guys about last night. It was probably one of the most memorable nights of my life. My family members all got together and planned a benefit dance for me. I am unable to work, as you all know, I have a mortgage, a daughter, bills, etc and Matthew is only getting part time work. We were finding it hard to make ends meet.

Every week we are having to make a 5 hour trip (one way) to a hospital to be monitored, pay a babysitter while we were gone as well as try to save up money for the actual eye itself. The stress of our financial woes were taking a huge toll on us so last night a benefit dance and silent auction was held in aid of my medical expenses.

I don’t have an exact number amount of how much was raised but I can tell you that the auction brought in just under $2,000 and we were given about $7,000 between family, friends and local organizations that help out. I will say I am not one to take handouts however, i greatly appreciate what they have done for us.

I cannot believe how kind people can be. There may be some awful things going on in this world but there is also a ton of good. I cried all night, and all morning opening up and reading everyone well wishes to me. I am so relieved to know that we do have enough to cover the eye and other travel expenses and do not have to worry about running up our credit cards and taking loans.

A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders last night & I thank everyone who helped out and in anyway whatsoever.

I feel like I have been doing well coping with the loss of my eye however, wearing the eye patches seems to make me feel more insecure than anything.

I find without my patch it still looks like I still have an eye there, it’s just red. There is a piece of plastic called a conformer in there to help hold the shape of my socket / lid and eith it’s shape, and being clear it just looks like I had an eye that has a broken blood vessel, or the likes.

I don’t wear an eye pacth 99.9% of the tiem whe I am home or around family / friends but the other day I ahd to go to a bridal shower and I fel as though everyone was staring at me. It makes me really insecure. I think I’d almost rather nothave the pacth because to me it seems less noticeable.

On another note: One month from Friday and I’ll have a shiny new prosthetic eye in there. I sure hope that month flies. I am kind of getting tired of waiting.

I had a checkup done on Wednesday, just before my three week post op date and everything is going well. The conformer had fallen out of my eye once, but I was able to put it back in myself correctly.

As of right now I do not have another checkup with my local eye doctor for a month, however, I will be making a trip back to the doctor who had preformed my surgery sometime soon.

I am currently suffering from a cold / sinus infection. I’ve noticed that snezing really hurts but I’ve been taking some allergy medication to help with that and so far so goof. Other than that there is not much new!